You may wonder in the next few days, "Where is Pian Shu?"; I've left the corporation.  I like you guys, but some events have taken place lately that have made me re-evaluate what I want out of this game.  It turns out I don't just want to hang out with guys I like.  I want to hang out with guys I like who have the same ideas about the game that I do.

When I started the game I just wanted to do my own thing.  I ran missions and ignored every other pilot I passed.  Then, one day, I happened along into low-sec where I was happily killing rogue drones -- a Falcon and a Raven jumped into my mission and I was quickly dispatched.  It was my first loss to other players, and I hated it.  That was a turning point for me because I realized that there were more guys like him (it was one guy and with two characters -- Falcon alts and their undying popularity).  I realized that I wanted to kill all of the guys that were like him, to make them regret what they'd done.  From that moment, I searched for an anti-pirate corporation.

I found myself in Providence for the first time.  A place of wonder where the locals believed in not shooting those who weren't hostile towards them.  My corporation scattered (well, the good people) the first time -A- tried to 'teach CVA a lesson'.  I had grown addicted to PvP and ran off to join a 0.0 alliance which held vast tracts of space (at that time IRON held all of Pure Blind) -- good space.  When I decided that wasn't what I wanted, I looked back towards Providence and the people who lived there.  Eventually I settled with you Beegees; when I joined, the recruiters were firm that we were anti-pirate and followed strict NRDS rules of engagement.

I used to think that the corporation did have the same ideals I did.  It turns out that it's not so, at least those who share my time zone and who I would be flying with.  NRDS is a sort of convenience for the corporation because to follow NRDS allows the pilots free run of Providence.  A few nights ago we had a ... heated discussion in corp chat.  There were a few pivotal moments where I realized I was angry but didn't know why.  Now I know why; it's because you guys don't necessarily play EVE in the way that I do.  For me, it's a game and I want to play it.  To me that doesn't mean to earn more ISK or own more space; and it's more than just getting kills to feed the killboard.

This made me think about what I really wanted.  I do want to play -- but not necessarily the "knight in shining armor"; I want to play a member of an organization that holds itself to NRDS because the pilots want to, not because it's convenient or a 'necessary evil'.  We all know there are no knights in shining armor in EVE. 

Maybe for you succeeding means more ISK, but that's not what it means for me.  For me, if I don't hold true to my ROE, then I'm not succeeding.  If I don't fly with people who also hold true to their ROE, then I'm not succeeding.  I don't hold it against you, I just don't agree with you; and that's the beauty of this game, I don't have to agree with you.

This is not my game.  I will play my game.

My only regret is that I'm joining an alliance that is red to CVA, which means I'll be red to you, and you to me.  I don't plan to come back with all my combat ships and wage war on Tread.  I'll avoid killing Beegees wherever I can.  I respect the PvP ability of those who do it.  I respect the industrialists who don't.  I'm not bitter like some who leave.  I'm a little sad, but I think I will enjoy it more.      

I've joined Jericho Fraction, the executor corporation for Star Fraction.  They're a sort of renaissance freedom fighter group; the freedom they're fighting for is the freedom from federalism -- a sort of neo anarchist movement.  They're NRDS, but they have a big thing against slavery and an alliance whose sole purpose is enlarging the holdings of the Amarr empire.  So, there were a few ideologically motivated reds added to the list -- but these reds are notified in no uncertain terms.  But, they have been strictly NRDS since their inception and continue to be strictly NRDS; they play the game like I do, or at least I think they do.  I guess I'll find out during my trial period with them.

Their current campaign places them squarely in anti-CVA territory harrassing Severance up in Catch.  It's not exactly where I wanted to be, but it's the closest I could come to what I want to do.  And, now that I've realized how liberating it is to actually admit I want to role play, it's much easier for me to think about accepting losses and think about other role players accepting their losses as well.  It's a game, and we want to play.

I'll continue to hang out in your public channel.  As I said, I like you guys; I just want to play my way.